2:45 AM

I will sleep for a few hours, and wake up before dawn to run. Run for the first real time in my life.  I mean to run. And the thing is, I do NOT have the drive to run.  I have nothing within me but pure, painful will.  I intend to will myself to run.  There is not a speck of motivation within me.  I'll see where this will get me...  Goodnight for now.

[elton anderson]

lose-lose

every night for the past few nights my reset-able rat traps have caught rats in my garage apartment.  this makes me sad.  because as cliche as it sounds, i would rather let the rat go on to it's own private life than to kill it with a trap.  but when i wake in the morning to a gnawed corner of my wicker trunk or my carved wooden jewelry box, that too makes me sad.  it's a lose-lose situation.

[etsy.com/shop/matouenpeluche]

i miss this

my sister on one of our bike rides.  i miss us and our bike rides.

bitofwriting

this could be termed word-diarrhea. but it will be edited before being posted.  to my disliking, but necessary.

three weeks of physical discomfort and mental relief.  then three weeks of mental discomfort and physical relief.  there can be no middle ground with me.  do i make it this way?  do i force it to be black-and-white?  all-or-nothing?

the hond is going through a chew-everything phase.  i have to keep calling him out.  this could be a very time-consuming post on my end as i keep having to stop and call him off something else he's chewing up of mine.

(ringo)

i also can't decide if i'm distractible or one-track-minded.  here's why i can't decide: i have a camera. or two of the same camera.  but no wire to these.  and i keep stopping what i'm supposed to be doing today (finding medical bills for my mother to go through as i'm her "personal assistant") and instead I look for these cameras' wires which I've been looking for for months.  And I haven't yet found them.  Still I search.  See?  Distractible?  One-track-minded?  Which one?  You decide, I can't.  And in the midst of indecisiveness I've gone from lowercase to capitalizing myself.  Must be grammatically correct when indecisive...

annoying me at the moment (yes, back to no-caps) is the new neighbors' generator.  as in they refuse to hook up electricity so instead they run a loud-ass motor sitting piled high up on a truck.  how redneck can you get?  oh yes by the way I do live in texas. :)

i think now i will do a "creative writing assignment" and then get the hell off the internet and do some much needed cleaning.  and laundry.  and make my bed.  yes i do think.

(my bed)

it's monday

[oliveplantsallaroundmytable.blogspot.com]

The Simple Woman's Daybook is a way of journaling the simple things in life with a little structure.  I don't know much history about it, it's origins or anything.  But I am now interested to look that up and post next Monday what exactly it is and where it came from and how it's kept alive today.


Outside my window - is a summer shower.

I am thinking - about the leaky roof.

I am thankful - for a roof!

From the learning rooms - I will be researching the Simple Woman's Daybook sometime this week.

In the kitchen - my kitchen isn't functional at the moment, the bathroom neither. my parents' house serves as an outhouse technically.  tmi...

I am wearing -  jeans and my pajama shirt while I do laundry.

I am creating - a blog.

I am going - on errands today because it is a precious day off.

I am wondering - where our setty hen hides her eggs from me.

I am reading - The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood.

I am hoping - for finally a good day.

I am looking forward to - going to sleep tonight.

I am hearing - thunder.

Around the house - clean-smelling laundry.

I am pondering - if I should get up off my butt and clean today.

One of my favorite things - good music.


A photo to share - my sweet baby sisters.

introduction

I used to have other blogs.  Sometimes one after the other.  Sometimes several at once.  Some secret, others public.  This one is neither hidden nor announced, merely in its own corner of the internet, for anyone who stumbles on it.  It is going to be a place for the circular ramblings of my brain.  No theme.  No direction.  And the only reason it's online is because I like to type rather than handwrite and I like backups (if my computer crashes).

[faithincommunity.blogspot.com]

The most exciting thing that's happened in my life so far is that I've "moved" into my parents' garage apartment.  I love living on my own yet in their own backyard.  I'm young and still tend towards homesickness.

Some last things:

It is about to rain.

I will be learning Dutch.  

I love to write but am not a writer.

I love to photograph but am not a photographer.

I love order yet am so disordered.